After taking some time off, I’m going back to church this weekend. Also, after taking time to find myself, I’m going back to being me.

I haven’t attended church regularly since I stepped away from my regular church home at the time, Cornerstone Ministries. That was back in September. I had some differences there and needed some time to find myself. No word yet on if I plan to visit again or return.

I took my mom’s and aunt’s advice a few days later and left Cornerstone. I attended Community Church in Harrison City (a United Methodist Church) and still might have interest in attending there again. This is the longest stretch I’ve gone without attending church since 2006. The next year I came to Greensburg Alliance Church and became a member there. I belonged to the church for eight years. I left GAC for Cornerstone in 2015 after the church went through some changes.

A little bit about my spiritual life: I attended church in college, when most kids who grew up with that lifestyle step away so they can find themselves as live on their own. Greater Johnstown Christian Fellowship and Slippery Rock United Methodist were two of my favorite churches to attend. I was very active at Greensburg Alliance but no so much at Cornerstone except for the front line ministries.

My post-academia life has been marred by feeling like I hadn’t done enough and being ashamed for having to work menial jobs at Kings and WIS. Eventually I came around and accepted my past (which I discussed in a previous blog earlier this week). I experimented with gender nonconformity as well and made it the highlight of my 2021.

I’ve decided to step away from that and be me once again. Originally, the inspiration I picked up in 2019 was so I could learn more about marriage and relationships. That turned into gender nonconformity as 2020 became 2021.

Changes occurred in 2021. My company merged with its competitor, that key person who inspired me stepped down and took another job in the company, and the luster began to wear off. I took the job at Giant Eagle later that year and knew I had to lay low.

I enjoyed this run and was glad to experiment for the last year or so. I’ll cut my losses here and go back to being me.

Had I not worked with the girl who would be an innocent crush and my inspiration, I don’t think this would have carried on as long as it did. I was getting more confident just as I was leaving WIS. Even though Giant Eagle is an LGBTQ friendly corporation, I constantly felt like I was defending it (and living at home didn’t really help) as my folks worried more about me being ridiculed than supporting me. I don’t want to feel like I’m distant with my parents as they get older, and that’s why I’m pulling the plug on this experiment.

2019 was a great year for me because of “her” and because of achieving my Distinguished Toastmaster award. It was also tragic because I lost loved ones. 2003 was special because of Slippery Rock, and 2000 because of the new millennium, high school graduation, and coming to HGA (where I had many life experiences and learned to be independent).

I just pray that those who were with me during my gender nonconformity will continue to be loyal and love me for who I really am.

After 13 years, I forget what it feels like to travel every day for work.

This week marks six months that I’ve been with Giant Eagle. I was hired on November 19 after applying online and doing two interviews (one by phone and one by video). After orientation and a training session that included watching several workplace videos related to the job, I began my first night at work the week after Thanksgiving.

I came in at a busy time as well, just after the Thanksgiving rush but just in time for the Christmas shopping season. I’ll celebrate one year as folks are shopping for their birds and all their fixings.

Looking back six months later, did I make the right choice coming to Giant Eagle? The answer to that question is yes. Six months into the job, am I in it for the long haul? I believe so.

I’m now pretty well established and ready to see what the summer months hold at Giant Eagle. I continue to put bids in for full time but should be fed well in terms of hours through summer and into fall. Lots of holiday hours coming up with Memorial Day and the Fourth of July on the horizon.

Last night we were well ahead of the game and slayed it, getting our grocery order done and finishing dairy and HBC with time to spare. Last week I broke down my first UNFI order (UNFI is a separate vendor whose warehouse is located in New Stanton near my old WIS office).

Last evening, I broke down the grocery order. I had some help on both occurrences but I’m starting to learn. If it’s not so crazy this week, maybe I can some training on breaking down Dairy and Frozen Foods.

Six months into the job, I think it’s safe to say I’m in it for the long haul and not looking back this time.

Since graduating college in 2005, I struggled with myself. I failed to come to terms with my time in college because things didn’t work out. I denounced ever attending Slippery Rock because nothing came of it except working a menial job at Kings. I mellowed out a little when I got hired at WIS but things were shaky for a long time.

The turning point came in the Spring of 2013 at my friend Gary’s memorial service. I knew Gary from the church I attended in college (to this day Slippery Rock United Methodist is the best church I attended in all my years of going to worship). I learned a lot about Mr. Wakefield and was saddened to see that cancer had taken a great man from us.

After the service was over and we were well-fed, I drove over to campus and took a walk around the university. Eight years after the fact that I graduated, I took in the sights and finally accepted my time at Slippery Rock University. That time alone was what I needed to make peace with my past. Even dinner that night at Eat’n Park reminded me how great I had it when I worked at Park Diner. I didn’t have to feel like a failure because a girl I liked didn’t return the favor, or because I had a degree yet worked a menial job.

Unfortunately the good feeling didn’t last long and I was back to feeling like I wasn’t good enough. The following years were better but it wasn’t until the late 2010s when I began to see real change.

April 13 is a day that brings a lot of significance to my life. Six years apart, April 13 helped me come to terms with my past and it saw me enjoying myself amongst friends at the annual District 13 Toastmasters conference. Soon after those events, I fell back into my struggles at work. That Spring of 2013, I was dealing with evil trolls 😈 at work. The Spring of 2019 was difficult amidst the fun I had attending speech contests and the Spring conference.

Grandma found out she had cancer in February and tried to remain strong even through Easter (which she traditionally hosted). Eventually she gave up and by May, really went downhill. She passed away early on the morning of June 2.

2019 was sad but it was a good year too. Going back to WIS was the right decision at the right time. I got through the tragic events of the year. The inspiration I got (from my work and Toastmasters family) helped shape me into who I am today. I got through the last few years dealing with Covid, a health scare which hospitalized me for almost a week, and getting out of a bad relationship with the help of family and friends. I’ve been able to find new work close to home at Giant Eagle and have really begun to put the old days behind.

2022 continues to see me in a good place and, picking up some new interests.

In today’s blog, I look back on this magical day one year ago when I celebrated the wedding of my fashion buddy and stylish sister and my new brother in law. In my top ten of 2021, this ranked in my top three along with turning 40 and celebrating my gender nonconformity.

I got the invite in the mail a week after I came home from the hospital. Sara had asked me what my address was. I assumed she was going to send me a get well card. Little did I know I was getting an invitation.

When I got it in the mail, I immediately RSVP’d. Rob and Sara knew I’d be one of the first to do that. I was one of the few non-family members that got an invite. When I talked to Paula (momma) upon getting my invitation, she said to me, “You’re family. Of course you’ll be there.”

Before you get confused reading this blog, if you don’t know already, Paula unofficially adopted me into her family. Rae and Sara always refer to me as their brother (with Sara, it’s also fashion buddy, inspiration, icon, etc.) and love them like my own sisters.

May 15 was here before I knew it. While Mother’s Day was gloomy, the week after was perfect and you couldn’t have asked for a better day for a wedding. I arrived around 2 o’clock and hung out with the groom and his friends before we took our seats.

It was a beautiful ceremony and everyone looked amazing, including the mom of honor/best mom Paula and the cutest little flower girl ever, Ula. Her mom Leah was one of the bridesmaids and her dad James (one of Rob’s brothers) a groomsmen. Matt officiated the ceremony. Paula gave a great speech and looked good. She would be really happy that I came out to celebrate Sara and Rob’s big day.

I got to know the extended family, meeting Uncle Scott for the first time and getting to know Rae’s husband, Good Bill. Rae came over to our table and we reunited (we actually saw each other at Target in North Huntington the summer before when I was doing inventory there). We caught up and even talked Bob’s Burgers (one of our favorite shows). We’re going to see the movie soon when it comes to theatres in a few weeks. I walked over to the head table and said hi to my adopted momma and congratulated Sara and Rob. She gave me a hug and thanked me for coming to celebrate her big day.

There was music to dance to, but we spent more time outside in the beautiful spring weather getting pictures and socializing. Sara took me aside, complementing me on my outfit and asked me, “What’s the inspo?”. I spilled all the juicy details. She introduced Ula to me and the little flower girl was happy to finally meet me.

Sara and her mom hoped to the dance Rogelio and Jane did for her wedding to Michael on Jane the Virgin but they didn’t have it down in time. It would have been cool to see that but it was still a fun day with or without the famous dance. Like most PA weddings, there was wall to wall cookies. I got my fair share of them and made sure to take some home with me.

Paula was happy to see me make a speedy recovery so I could help be there to celebrate her daughter and new son in law. She noticed that my color was back and I was happy being there. Her and Sara were also after that Coach purse I had with me too, as well as my silver metallic Ban.do lunch tote.

Friends of the bride enjoyed getting to meet me and loved my choice of attire for the wedding. While a suit, shirt and tie, or even a golf shirt with khakis would have looked better, I did well picking out my clothes for the wedding.

As the sun set on this perfect day, I thanked Paula for inviting me and made my way home, with a huge plate of cookies.

On Monday, I highlighted my mental health journey as I talked about my coming out. I also talked about my gender nonconformity which has really come to light over the last few years. While I’ve experienced happiness from it, I’ve also spent a lot of time defending it as some of those close to me have questioned my lifestyle. Others have supported me and encouraged me to keep it going, thinking I could really inspire people with my message.

In today’s blog I’m continuing to talk about my mental health journey. Using some examples to show where my mental health issues have come into play, I’ll continue to share my story and give you something to know me better by.

I enjoyed my college years. I say that now but back then I took them for granted. The first three years I was in Johnstown attending community college and attending HGA. I had my complaints about HGA for the longest time but later on, learned to appreciate it for two reasons. I had many life experiences there and it was there I became independent.

I attended a college transfer fair in October of 2002 and fell in love with Slippery Rock University. Eventually, I made the decision to transfer there and got in the next Spring. Like YouTuber McJuggernuggets and his beloved Psycho Series, my time in college and especially at Slippery Rock was heartfelt and I was sad to see it end. Graduation is a celebration of your life, but I saw it as an end and it took its toll on me.

2006 remains one of the worst years of my life because: I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and the declining health of my loved ones sent me and my family into a tizzy. My college years were over, I had no real job prospects, and I wasn’t confident showing myself. I settled for a menial job at Kings. I could have used it as a stepping stone and watched it blossom into something bigger. However, I did what I could to get out of there (including attending job fairs and looking for jobs that weren’t for me just to keep up appearances).

It got worse two years later when I denounced ever attending college because it did nothing for me. A past experience with someone came back to haunt me. Her recent good fortune and my reaction to it sent me spiraling even deeper.

I was all set to vote for Barack Obama in the upcoming election and some people from my church found out. I was blackballed for making that decision and voted for McCain out of fear. This experience left me questioning my beliefs. Would I be any less of a believer in Christ if I voted for Barack Obama?

I posted on Facebook that I was sick of my job and wanted to find something better. Management found out and almost fired me on the spot but I lied to keep my job. I applied at WIS a few months later but we didn’t know that was a thing then. All this within the same week in October of 2008.

Too much to talk about when I highlight my 13 years at WIS. I’m not going to name drop anyone, but I dealt with a lot of negativity and anger over those years. The worry over so much little stuff in my workplace even affected my performance serving in higher roles in Toastmasters. But it wasn’t all bad there and I definitely could have handled that better.

As bad of a year as 2008 was for me, the best thing to come out of it for me was my friendship with Paula and her daughters. I still have it to this day and they’ve adopted me into their family. I always think of Rae and Sara like they’re my own sisters.

As hostile as my old work environment could be, I enjoyed the opportunity to get to travel for work and see other parts of our region. I wouldn’t have kept some of the friendships that I have if I didn’t come back.

If working at Giant Eagle didn’t fail the first time, who knows if I’d have started to find myself in the Fall of 2019? Would I have been as fashionable? Would I be slaying it? Gender nonconformity wouldn’t have been a thing and I wouldn’t feel as shunned but not living my best life.

DTM Huddle and Pink Cherry Dress would have been phrases likely not coined. Stylish may have been a thing but not like it is now. I wouldn’t have worn my leopard cardigan but likely a suit or khakis and a golf shirt to Rob and Sara’s wedding. Nothing wrong with that though.

The high school and college run was my best life for a long time but the late 2010s (2017 to the present) has won out. There’s more stories I can share but we’ll save them for another blog.

Bye everyone. ❤️ you.

I’ll start off the blog by wishing Gram a happy birthday on what would have her 95th yesterday. I remember many great Mother’s Day picnics at Shawnee and Berlin with my aunt, uncle and cousins. The holiday just isn’t the same since she passed in 2006.

Mother’s Day picnics at Shawnee were as much tradition as Great Grandma’s birthday dinner at Olive Garden

I was remote for Tuesday night’s Laurel Highlands Toastmasters meeting since I had a cold and wanted to play it safe. The club is making history in its first year as the first Toastmasters club to charter as a hybrid club. Last night they made history when had their first officer elections for the upcoming year.

The slate looks really good for next year with current Area 23 Director Ryan Jacobs leading the way as Club President and Sharon Joseph coming down to serve the big role of Vice President Education. Her drive and passion for Toastmasters make Laurel Highlands one of the most exciting clubs in District 13.

Nick Cecchetti will maintain his Technology Officer role in the club. Judy Eans will stay on as Vice President Public Relations. I nominated myself as Sergeant at Arms for Laurel Highlands. I’m excited to see our newest Toastmasters serve in their roles next year.

Shelly Hendricks accepted the position of Treasurer for next year. In my home club, Mike Dalton has held down the role every year. Danielle Doerfler will be our Vice President Membership and Angela Saunders will be Secretary. I’m planning to take that role at Greensburg for next year. Only thing we need to look for at my home club is a Club President.

Since this was the club’s first year, they didn’t have an immediate past President to take over the role of nominating officers for next year. Distinguished Toastmaster and Club Mentor for Laurel Highlands Dana Mitnik assumed that job last night and handled it professionally.

Last night’s theme was “The Need for Uncommon Leaders”. The Table Topics session and Invocation tied into this.

Our club is picking up many great new members who will be an asset to Laurel Highlands and hopefully, make it a club worth talking about. We even have a new member joining us from Cumberland, Maryland.

I predict even more success in Year 2 of the Laurel Highlands Toastmasters Club.

Recently my mother brought to my attention one of my former coworkers from my old job. He worked there in the early 2010’s and, to say the least, was not very nice to me. After he left at the end of 2013, he ran into trouble with the law. Without getting into it due to respect for privacy, he found himself up the creek without a paddle.

He made feel ashamed for who I was as a person. He felt he was doing me a favor, but he wasn’t. The reason I bring this person up is because I felt I came into my gender nonconformity at the right place and the right time in 2019.

After so many years where I struggled not to internalize things at work, I was finally at a good place in my life and at WIS. With a pandemic looming just a year away, the good feeling wouldn’t last long. But I had what I needed right there and it was more than enough.

While you may think my gender nonconformity journey began with the Ashtabula trip in September of 2019, things came to light then. It didn’t begin in 2015 either. I wasn’t quite ready but I did get some style points for my little Amazon crossbody (until Dad had a problem with me wearing it and I was scared into submission).

Believe it or not, you have to go all the way back to the mid 1990s to hear of the first tales of my gender nonconformity journey. So this adventure is almost 30 years old. It was also big during my high school years well into college. I just didn’t know it at the time. You may think I had homosexual tendencies. But for a long time I kept quiet about it.

Had I started this journey back up in 2013, it wouldn’t have lasted. My coworkers (albeit a few of them) would have ripped me to shreds. He already made fun of me for my selfies that I took in 2010. I felt so bad from the impact of that teasing so I gave up. I imagine he’d bash my blog too had I started then.

I came back onto my journey at the right time, but I also had the right people there to support me on my adventure. Ashley and Maura were there to give me encouragement along the way, my sisters Rae and Sara were there to love and support me and tell me to “be me”. All my friends on Instagram have encouraged me not just on the gender nonconformity journey but also in my mental health journey. It’s why I am able to connect with great local Instagram bloggers like thebombshellsuite and joyfullyyoursamanda. I’ve also had the right girl to inspire me as well.

It was an innocent crush in the fall of 2019 when Emily wowed me with her fashion sense when we were in Ashtabula for work, rocking a pink dress. She became an inspiration for me to dress more stylish. Eventually, I fell in love with fashion and mentioned everything to Maura when I came out in October of 2021. It was our last day as an office before merging with RGIS.

I feel I’ve been living my best life with my gender nonconformity. My place of employment is one that is LGBTQ+ 🏳️‍🌈 friendly. But my family has expressed concern. They raised me to not be ridiculed and they’re worried that I’ll set myself up for that again if I continue embarking on this journey.

I was picked on a lot in my elementary and junior high years and even while I was working at WIS. I understand my parents’ concern, even though my cousins are mostly on board with it.

But it’s 2022.

I’m happy.

I’m living my best life.

I’m not making destructive decisions like doing drugs or being an alcoholic. I’m not living recklessly. I’m taking care of myself since my health scare.

That’s all that matters.

Bye everyone. ❤️ you.

Hello. I know you haven’t seen too many blog posts lately. Don’t worry about me because I’m all right. It’s been a busy Spring with work and I’ve been pursuing other interests.

Here’s some of the things that have kept me from blogging over the last month and a half.

I’ve been hard at work teaching myself Spanish. My Duolingo streak is now at 28 days and I’m about to go into the next league. My bilingual skills have improved greatly with this app and will continue to do so as long as I keep putting time in to practicing every day, even if it’s only five minutes a day.

I’ve been watching The Office on Peacock. My adopted family loves the show and so it rubbed off on me. Thank my fashionable sister and brother-in-law who have been the inspo for getting me to watch the show. If watching the show hasn’t been enough, I’ve also been enjoying the podcasts related to the show.

The Office Deep Dive with Brian Baumgartner and Office Ladies with Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey have not failed me at all. I get great insight from all of them on all things Dunder Mifflin. Did I stutter? That’s what she said. I’ll also be buying the books very soon. Welcome to Dunder Mifflin and Office BFFs (comes out May 17). Fun fact is that Creed Bratton performs the opening music for both podcasts.

Work has kept me busy as I’m beginning to get my full time hours back at Giant Eagle. Having lost three employees recently, we’ve been working hard to try and keep the flow going overnight. Despite the forecast for storms, we shine every night. I’ll be approaching my six month anniversary there at the end of the month.

When I first took the job, my adopted momma Paula commended me for accepting the tough schedule of 10pm to 6:30am. She said I have to have Mason blood to do well with those hours. Having Mason blood means being a hard worker and loyal. I came in right after Thanksgiving and knew I was going to be hard at work from the start. It made those slow times we dealt with in February and March much easier to handle.

Now that I’ve been able to shake the past out of my system, things have gone much smoother. It’s not easy when you’re attached to a workplace you were at for almost 15 years and those coworkers have been like your closest friends and family. I still keep in touch with the girls (Maura and Ashley) to see how things are going at WIS. There’s still work to be done since the merger, but the Dollar side is going well and they got Eric and Zach back.

Tomorrow I’ll be talking about my gender nonconformity journey. It’s still going even though I’ve been quieter about it since the new year started. I’ll highlight my journey so far and how I was in the right place at the right time when it started. I also the right girl there to inspire me.

Also, a look back at my fashion buddy’s big wedding day and what a fun time that was last year.

Bye everyone. ❤️ you.

It’s been a while but…. I’m back.

Apologies for the lack of blog posts this month. I took on some other interests including learning a foreign language on Duolingo. I’m going for 30 days in a row and right now I’m at 18. I am also in the Sapphire League and likely moving up to Ruby by next week. I’m very proud of myself for learning a new skill.

Blogs will return in May as I put some other hobbies aside. I also want to focus on my Toastmasters involvement. I recently put my name in for Vice President of Membership at my new club, Laurel Highlands Toastmasters.

Believe it or not, I’ve posted more this April than I did last April with this being my fifth blog. I didn’t write at all last year at this time.

Today’s video is something I haven’t posted in a blog before and that’s a reaction to a video or news story. Since 2019, I’ve been following Dhar Mann on YouTube and enjoy his content. Over the years his work has run longer, he’s come up with different themes, and his channel has grown to over 10M subscribers. Yes his work is a little too overdone and clichéd but, some of it really speaks to me and last night was one of those videos.

The video takes place in a bakery in the plaza (it’s one of the sets used in Dhar Mann’s videos). The shop owner and his employee are talking and he looks over at two women in a bridal shop. Immediately he is disgusted by their same sex relationship, thinks their upcoming marriage is an abomination and causes a scene. The seamstress is mortified and tells the bakery owner to leave. His employee apologizes for her boss’s behavior

When the employee serves the drag queen (who deserves an Emmy for her great acting work), she talks about her dream of having her own bakery and the drag queen gives her some words of wisdom. Soon after, the owner pulls the same stunt on Kyla and calls her names. The drag queen is offended and leaves.

After refusing the same sex couple from the dress shop once again. Kristen (the employee) boldly admits that she’s part of the LGBTQIA+ community and plans to open her own bakery. She hits some road bumps and even wants to give up but her drag queen friend encourages her to keep going, which is what she does. She just needed that target market. That boost is what she needed to be successful. She even takes over that spot where the bakery was. Like every Dhar Mann video, this one ended happily ever after and the bully got their just desserts (no pun intended).

It’s about time Dhar Mann tackled this issue. I’ve seen bullying and mean girls and those who don’t stay with their significant others during their worst times. As someone who recently came out as LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈, I saw the hurt the lesbian couple was receiving and felt it myself. I’ve gotten mostly praise for my gender nonconformity, but know there will be someone out there who will tear me down for my lifestyle. It’s time to stand up for what we believe in, no matter the risk. If we stand up for what we believe, we can achieve.

Just like Kristen’s T-shirt, don’t be afraid to “Be You” 🌈.

Bye everyone. ❤️ you.

Sorry for the lack of blog posts this month. I‘ll attribute that to a lack of interesting content, plus taking on other hobbies. Being busy with work and other interests, it’s not easy to take the time to research a topic either.

I’m learning Spanish through the Duolingo app (love that little owl 🦉) and recently decluttered with more to come. I’m reading two good books as well. A Promised Land by Barack Obama and the History of Jazz by Ted Gioia. I’ve loved jazz music since 2000 plus I grew up on Weather Channel music as a kid which was essentially smooth jazz or jazz fusion.

May is also strawberry month and Eat’n Park has many great desserts on their menu. I’d like to order a slice of strawberry 🍓 pie or a strawberry milkshake with some whipped cream. I have my Betty Crocker cookbook so I might make a visit to the “Stylish Kitchen” and look for a good strawberry shortcake or cheesecake recipe.

While I like strawberries and May is the month for 🍓, my favorite fruit is cherries 🍒.

But one thing that deserves a mention in my
blog would be the importance of mental health. In addition to my fashion and lifestyle posts, this may be something to talk about. Plus, May is National Mental Health Awareness Month. Look for mental health posts through the month of May on this blog. I’ll try to sprinkle some personal stories in as well.

It’s something we cannot take for granted. If you feel lonely, try to leave the door open instead of closing it. It’s the best open door policy you can give yourself. Also, and this is my own advice I should be following, talk to someone, be it a good friend or professional.

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