Today’s blog is in remembrance of my grandmother, who passed away five years ago today after a short battle with pancreatic cancer. I got the call from my mother as I returned home from a weekend trip to Hersheypark with my cousins. Grandma’s spirits remained high despite her cancer diagnosis, as she still had her Easter dinner with all of us present. All was good the week before Mother’s Day. She suffered a bad fall at home and was taken to Excela Westmoreland before being transferred to St. Anne’s Home a week later. She spent two weeks in hospice care before her passing.

Some of my best memories of my grandmother included spending holidays with her. Gramma Gaffron may have had her endless Gaffron Christmases, but Grandma and Grandpap always gave us a good Christmas as well. Grandma always put together a nice spread during the holidays.

We had roast beef from C&S, sausage, candied dills 🥒 and black olives as well as potato salad. There was always a cheese ball and chicken crackers and even pizelles.

Grandma always liked the Norman Lear shows, especially All in the Family and the Jeffersons, as well as Maude and Good Times. I used to always joke that her house was a CBS house as the TV was usually on channel 2 (KDKA). Gramma Gaffron had Jeopardy, Grandma had Family Feud (going all the way back to the original days when Richard Dawson hosted).

When I was little and my mom worked evenings at Waldenbooks, I spent a lot of evenings at Grandma and Grandpap’s. Sometimes we’d go out to eat at McDonald’s, Burger King, or Long John Silvers. Afterwards, they took me to Hills and I got a toy. Sometimes we went to Ames or Murphy’s Mart. Grandma always loved going to the old Greengate Mall and her and my Great Grandmother always had lunch in the cafeteria at G.C. Murphy’s. After her mall trips, she sometimes bought a Chick-Fil-A sandwich for me.

I remember having Thanksgiving at their house once or twice. Once was the year between going to Florida and the start of having it at Aunt Sue’s. We had lunch with Gram and then went there for dinner. It was a nice turnout and I remember us gathering in the living room to watch the Cowboys on FOX. It was rare to have Thanksgiving there which made it a treat. It was the first time in a few years they weren’t spending it in Florida, either.

We had a luncheon at Denunzio’s following her funeral. Like the many times we ate at the Olive Garden for Great Grandma’s birthday, it felt special and a nice way to remember Grandma. I wasn’t sure what the future would hold for me or where I would be living. Eventually Katie and I switched living spaces and she’d live there for a few years before moving into her own house.

Don’t get me wrong. May is a great month and the weather has gotten warmer as we get closer to summer. But I for one am happy to see this May come to an end. As I alluded to in a previous blog, the last few Mays have brought with it sickness as well as depression and discouragement. I was happy to get a few great days to kick off the month, enjoy my first Spring Conference in five years, and see that Benny has come home from Children’s. He graduates high school tonight, so congratulations to him and my aunt. It’s been a tough road for both of them. We’ll celebrate him on June 23.

With the usual depression and discouragement that May has brought, mixed in with tornadoes and the usual joy, it’s been a whirlwind month. More to come in my recap next week. For now, let’s look ahead to June and what it brings to the table. Like me, it’ll have a lot to offer.

Coming to the blog in June will be my restaurant reviews, which usually draw a lot of interest. Next Wednesday before my meeting, I’ll make a stop at Tastyland on PA 66 as they just had their grand reopening. I’ll find my inspiration through social media, mostly keeping it local but I will make a few stops around Pittsburgh during my upcoming vacation at the end of the month. Maybe I can make up for that failed coffee tour that I wanted to take last Fall at some point as well.

Early this week marks five years since my Grandma (Gurksnis) passed away, so I’ll be writing a tribute blog. I spent a lot of my kid years at my grandparents’ just like Annabelle does at our house. I lived with my Grandma for several years after Annabelle was born and then my sister and I switched addresses. Thus, I moved back home that Fall.

June means more time for the pool, for podcasts (I’m loving Pod Meets World), and for passing on the presidency in my home Toastmasters club. I’ll be celebrating my birthday as well as a milestone for the blog when I publish my 600th post sometime around the middle of the month. Another milestone will come about a week after when I hit 800 days on Duolingo. So far I’ve only missed three days but the “streak freeze” comes in handy. I’ll devote my time to learning French on the app for the entire month of June.

At the end of the month, I’ll take my first of two vacations from work. It’s so nice to have paid time off and good benefits, in addition to the commute. I have plenty of day trips planned, including one of my Cranberry High Noon visits which I will parlay into a trip up to Slippery Rock University. It’s been 20 years since I’ve been there and I know I’ve made many visits but it’s always nice to see the old alma mater. I feel better about myself now than I did for many years after graduating from there. I also plan to shop at Tanger and even Market District (Robinson or South Hills) and do some serious shopping. I also hope to visit a few friends in Johnstown and attend the Greensburg Night Market. A great time to celebrate food and fashion.

Happy Father’s Day June 16 and Happy TLI Saturday June 22. Dinner series on June 20 at the Olive Garden.

Tonight is the monthly Greensburg Night Market. This event runs the fourth Thursday of every month and today being the 23rd means it’s time to shop downtown and support your local everything.

I’m no stranger to the event, having been here multiple times in 2020 and 2021, when supporting small businesses was imperative due to the circumstances we were dealing with. Since I last attended in 2021, this market has grown substantially. I walked down and was amazed at how this little market has become so big in so little time.

I took my time checking out some of the stands and getting food as well. So many choices, but I picked the first one that came to mind and that was The Pickled Chef. I spent more time eating than actually buying stuff. I’ll be back next month for the Greensburg Night Market as the week before Mr. Clougherty and I will be going out for dinner for my birthday. By then, I should have my research done and maybe not be as overwhelmed by the crowds. It’s really cool to see how big this market has become, though.

A few things that you need to know when attending the event are that there is metered parking all around the city. Good luck getting through downtown after 3:30pm on the day of the night market as various streets will be closed off. If you have pets, it’s best to just leave them at home (unless it’s a service dog). If you want to play it safe, there is a shuttle that picks up at Nicely Elementary School and drops you off in the heart of the action at the corner of Pitt and Penn (Pittsburgh Street and Pennsylvania Avenue). Always check out the website for more on the event and what vendors will be there and any other questions you may have that can be answered.

I don’t know what it is about May, but around this time of the year I always feel a little bit down. Since I attended my first conference in five years, I can’t call this a post conference-curse. It’s like I get sick, or I feel depressed around this time because I feel like I get no love or support in my journey. Miraculously, I didn’t get COVID during that time.

Two years ago, I fell into a deep depression because I missed my old co-workers and I felt no one approved of what I was doing. I regretted walking away from my church. The reason I don’t attend is mainly because of my work schedule and I want to go back but I’m not sure. Aunt Sue asked me why I wanted to give up my gender nonconformity and the answer was because I felt I was getting no support.

Last year, it was a host of problems starting with Benny and his health problems. We didn’t know when he was ever going to get out of the hospital and what would come after he got home on Memorial Day Weekend. Then, it was all the negative press over the Bud Light controversy and TikTok influencer Dylan Mulvaney. A certain talking head that used to work on a network who now has a podcast had some really nasty shit to say about the whole controversy and Dylan herself. Consuming all that information really hit me hard and I was actually this close to getting rid of everything and starting over. I went back though and it was on the Saturday we had our club officer training. I felt good wearing my leopard print scarf and carrying my Coach purse. Both Dana and Cassie gave me some excellent feedback on my outfit and told me not to change for anyone. It was then that I knew that I was meant to be on this journey.

It’s still not an easy road and I’m still second-guessing myself, but I’m still going strong.

This year, I don’t know what has me feeling down. At the conference, I had encouragement from a lady who won an award and who has a son who’s LGBTQ. I told her my story and she gave me great encouragement. I still don’t know what I really identify as, but Dana hit the nail on the head when he said, “You’re just stylish.”

After hearing that from the Toastmaster whisperer and District Historian, the best advice I can give myself is to just “shut up and go with it”.

Last night marked my first dip into the swimming pool for the upcoming Sunmer season. Judging by the weather, I could have made it a go today as well but opted to go to the gym and do some cardio. Unlike the previous summers we’ve had this pool, I plan to make a go of it in 2024. This is just the start of me bettering myself in my fitness journey.

We got this pool in the summer of 2015, so this marks our tenth summer having it. In fact, I believe it was the day after my birthday when we opened the pool. We had one before and it lasted for nearly two decades. My first memory of that swimming pool was jumping in on a warm summer morning in 1989. My parents were both working during the day and my Gramma came up to watch me that day. That was the first of many swims in the upcoming 90s and the subsequent decade to follow.

The best memory I had of our old pool was all the picnics we had during the summer. My cousins were all around my age and so it was fun having someone to swim with. Some of my cousins were a bit rough in the pool and that made me a little crazy. Alas, my childhood growing up was a little too emotional at times. It was a great time to be a kid in the greatest decade of the 20th century.

My parents took great care of the pool and we never had to replace anything on it. A few years in, my dad put in a deck and that stayed until we took the pool down following the summer of 2008. The 90s had many memorable commercials. One of them was for Nestea brand iced tea and their slogan was “worth taking a dive into”. That’s exactly what I did, falling backwards off the ladder into the pool.

We got our second pool in the summer of 2015 and we only put it in because my parents knew that Annabelle would enjoy it. She was two at the time and school was a few years away. Due to my busy schedule and always being too tired from work (back in the WIS days more so than Giant Eagle), I haven’t used it much. Annabelle gets in every day when she’s at the house and the weather is nice. With my focus switching to getting out more, I will make more time this summer than I have before.

This is me in my happy place on Saturday, enjoying the beginning of my weekend off. Was it a great weekend? It was great weatherwise. For me, I got out of the house, attended a Toastmasters meeting, and just hung out at home.

It wasn’t a great weekend either. It always happens and I break into that period where I doubt myself and my journey. Three years after coming out as non binary, I ask myself one question.

Is the journey still worth it?

Things are a lot better for me in 2024 than they were two years ago. However, I still want to be noticed. But I don’t want to be labeled as having a mental illness. I have a lot of support even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. But am I really loving myself? A few people have criticized me for my interests and my fashion sense. But it’s easier said than done to follow the advice that my mom gives me. That is, if you like it then that’s all that matters. I rely on likes and comments from Instagram and if I don’t get them, I feel lonely and wonder if it’s all worth it.

My mental health journey has been defined by fear and by loneliness. But I made a few good moves as well. One of them was leaving WIS for Giant Eagle. That was a move that needed to be made. I also don’t regret going to the doctor to get a referral for a dermatologist to remove a cyst on my head because we were able to address bigger problems that likely saved my life in the long run.

So what’s the thing that was bothering me the most in my mental health journey? It was looking for approval from other people so that I could feel complete. This defined the first half of my 2022 and led to disappointment and even depression when I felt I wasn’t getting the boost I needed. Turning 41 didn’t have quite the charm that turning 40 did, and now I know that was OK. I needed to get that boost myself.

If you like it, that’s all that matters.

It’s hard for me to accept compliments because of my past. If there’s two people I can compare to in my life, one would be the YouTuber McJuggernuggets and the other is Forrest Gump’s love interest. I’m trying to convince my family that my fashion journey is a thing, and I also have a hard time loving myself. But I don’t want to make YouTube my job or convince people that it is a job. Also, I don’t want to do self destructive things because of how I was treated. I was raised well and what I go through has existed for a long time. What happens in the dark always comes to light and it did so for me three years ago.

I had a bit of a rough childhood and I had a few meltdowns as well but nothing like what the characters went through. But what it all boils down to is… I’m creating problems in my head and, it needs to stop.

Amen to that.

25 years ago this weekend saw the release of what I think is the greatest album of all time. If you’re into pop music, then you know it’s one of the best. If not, then that’s OK too.

The Backstreet Boys came onto the pop music scene in the mid-1990s. They released their self-titled debut in the US in the Summer of 1997. That album generated five hits in 1997 and 1998. All of them charted in the top 20 and all got heavy airplay on my favorite station growing up, B94.

My CD buying history begins in the Spring of 1997 when I bought my first album. It was a Simpsons compilation with songs from the show (from the show’s first seven seasons) called “Songs in the Key of Springfield”. The CD even resembled a donut (Homer’s favorite food). My first album from an artist was the Spice Girls’ debut album which I got for my 16th birthday. I played the hell out of that CD. I’m not ashamed to admit it. Just so you’re aware, this gender nonconformity thing dates back to high school.

I fell in love with the Backstreet Boys and this genre of pop music during my senior year of high school. All the airplay on B94 and videos on MTV’s Total Request Live (remember that show) helped fuel my buying decisions one night in January of 2000. I played those CD’s a lot during my senior year as I wrapped up my time on the swimming team.

My college years were defined by some of these songs that I heard on B94, and eventually on Power 99.1 (the Pop/Top 40 station in Johnstown). Like the disco era of the mid to late 1970’s, the bubble gum pop era of the late 1990’s and early 2000’s is a long gone era that was short. Whether it’s sweet is your own opinion. To me, it’s a hidden gem.

Today I attended my former Toastmasters club, Achievers, as I had a free weekend and it’s the third Sunday of the month. We had nine in attendance, myself included. Mike Dalton from my home club and Charlie Krebs from ESL (formerly Penn Hills) both gave great speeches. Mike talked about past mentors he had in his long Toastmasters journey. Charlie talked about Catholic school and his could have passed for a humorous speech. I hope to meet him again at the upcoming Summer TLI on June 22. I liked coming today and I might be back on June 23. There might even be a Speech-a-thon at that meeting. I may just prepare a speech if I attend that June meeting. As for joining, that’s not going to happen right now because of my schedule.

If I committed to giving more speeches and my path as I have been with this blog, I’d have a Triple Crown and multiple DTMs by this point. But nevertheless, I’m still happy to be a part of Toastmasters.

Maybe what I said about southwestern Pennsylvania becoming tornado alley is coming true. Five tornadoes were confirmed in our area yesterday including one in Harrison City. Highland Park near the Pittsburgh Zoo also had a tornado touchdown and damage was sustained on the Zoo grounds. Last Saturday, a tornado touched down in rural Finleyville in Washington County. A church saw damage and the event occurred during Saturday night worship. I watched the live feed and it had to be a scary experience for churchgoers.

Aside from the weather, I’m getting back into my regular fitness routine after taking a few weeks off due to being busy and attending Spring Conference. Oh, that post conference hangover. I bought some books on how to do yoga as well as Pilates. In addition to lifting and doing cardio, I am confident that they will help me in my journey as well.

Doing yoga and Pilates should help me sustain my fitness journey when I can’t make it to Planet Fitness. Plus, it gives me new ways to exercise and get a streak going when it comes to closing all of my rings on my Apple Watch.

Since I had the night off (correction: Weekend off) and with the weather dry, I took an opportunity to drive out to Ligonier after I woke up this afternoon. I went to my favorite coffee shop in one of my favorite Hallmark Christmas towns and ordered a drink off the Spring menu. This one had me thinking of Summer. It was an iced Pina Colada latte.

I got my coffee and sat in the Diamond, watching the world go by. After finishing my coffee, I walked over to Second Chapter Books and saw some great reads in the local section. One was by an author from Johnstown on the history of the iconic Penn Traffic Department Store. If you’re from Johnstown, you know. This man also wrote about the history of Glosser Bros. which is where Gee Bee came from. Another book was on the history of Idlewild Park, just up the road from where I was. The third book I was interested in was on the history of Pittsburgh Jazz. That one I almost bought.

I’ll make a few more trips to Ligonier this Summer as the Night Market starts next month. Since I seem to always have Thursdays off, I might go a few times, including in the Fall. I need to have dinner again sometime at the Mexican restaurant in town and maybe do dessert at the Ligonier Creamery (where there is an old Murphy’s sign hanging in the store). I also might want to treat my family to chocolate from O’Sheas at the corner of Market Street and the Diamond.

As always, I’ll come out there in the Fall and around the holidays (when the tree will be up in the gazebo).