On June 30, 2021, I celebrated a huge milestone in my life. I turned the big 4-0. It’s a birthday we can all be proud of celebrating, especially when you think of the one that comes in ten years. Between my actual birthday and the Fourth of July, my family and friends took advantage of the event by treating me to dinner and celebrating my milestone achievement.
It was a fun long weekend, and I felt loved and blessed by those who cared about me. 40 is an age where you really begin to get serious about planning long-term, and also it’s a time to look back and see how far you’ve come since graduating from college. Has this milestone year been all sunshine and rainbows or has it seen its share of storms?
For me, it’s been a mix of both.
40 so far has brought with it…. Change. Late in 2021, after 13 years working for the same company, things changed and not so much in my favor. I knew then it was time to finally move on and what better time for change than at age 40? I gave up traveling daily at my old job counting inventory to driving just five minutes to my new job at Giant Eagle. With the exorbitant rise in gas prices, that new job came calling at the right time.
It brought a change of style. This started a few years before but it really came together in 2021. It was received well early on but I got too carried away and wore myself out this Spring. It also brought a change of tradition. For the first time since my high school years, I wasn’t attending church regularly. I needed some time to step away and reflect so far on my spiritual journey.
40 so far has also brought with it… Confusion. When my employer merged with its competition in 2021, I was confused as to what would happen to our office and where I would end up. I was confused when this would all take place and what would happen to those coworkers who became family to me.
I was confused about who I was. That’s why I changed my style because I thought it would make me happy and help me find myself. For a while, I was doing well with the changes and thought I had a good thing going. However, I wasn’t as confident as I let on and was constantly looking back instead of looking ahead. I was looking for approval and didn’t always get what I wanted. My friends and family encouraged me to “Be Me” but eventually my conscience got the better of me. To those who loved me because of my gender nonconformity, I felt like I quit on them at the top of my game and owe them an apology. I’m accepting it as a season in my life and even I thought it could have been more than it was; but, in the end, it is what it is.
40 so far has brought with it… Celebration. After waiting a year and a half to celebrate my biggest achievement in Toastmasters, a group of us gathered at Westmoreland County Community College on July 24 for an elegant event, the DTM gala. I got to earn my award the way I should have in April of 2020. What a fun night that was, disco dancing and fire alarms included. I also celebrated the newest club in District 13 of which I am part of now, Laurel Highlands Toastmasters.
40 will also bring with it… a Comeback. After taking some time off to figure out who I was, the time was right for me to go back to church. Dealing with this season of gender nonconformity and dressing nontraditionally is what I thought would bring me joy. I thought it would help me live my best life.
One night at work, I talked about my faith and my church experience as well as what Christian music artists I listen to. That made me realize that I missed attending church and missed the fellowship that I had with everyone. While it was hard to abandon what I thought was making me happy, I came to realize that it was only a phase and it had finally run its course. Next Saturday, I’ll return to the home church that I left in September and make right with everyone there.
Sometimes God uses events and seasons like this one to bring us closer together with Him n
Stylish 🍒 